At the first time when I taught about what happiness means, it always gonna be, "It would be really amazing when things always go right." not because it's just always happiness that we feel, not always a blooming flowers that we see from afar, or just a warm jasmine tea that we always drink when it's a fully rainy day. When it comes to the time when I think about what happiness means, I always get a different meaning and perspectives.
When it came to my arrival at home in the last October, I was very ready to go back to my childhood memory, to go every side of this small city, to feel the breeze in the morning and every evening, to go to every places that has already been part of my childhood memories. Memorizing and reminiscing the feel when it comes to laugh hard with old friends, when it goes to do gardening with mom and harvesting her plants also comes to go a long night ride with my father. At that time, what happiness means to me was redoing every part of my childhood and teenage memories. Life was very easy at that time, going back to home was one best choice of the choices I chose to be happy and to let go all of the bad things before I went back home.
Feeling the full of two weeks at home, when while it could feel like a little celebration that we held but also a bit of sadness about myself, my career, my hometown, and my working place for some unknown reasons. Knowing that two weeks does not last forever and realizing it was just a temporary period of time, the feeling of guilty slowly reaching up the height of my happiness limit and I just realized that when I flew back here, right the time when I sat at the airport, putting on my headset while looking at the window.
The night before my flight, both of me and my mom had a serious conversation, the negotiation was going almost all that night. We were exchanging glance, mine was doubtful but hers was hopeful. After realizing it was less that twenty four hours before my flight, she said, "Can you stay a little longer? So we can hang more together."
Being working in the same institution as my mom works, makes me wonder and realize that it's really hard for us to make time together. Being apart in the different island, make us always rethinking to give a little more time together even at the end it will never happen, but we always try to maintain the connection between a daughter and mom even it just do a video call or send message everyday, she always make sure that I always feel okay (even sometimes storm heading me and hit me really hard) and always remind me to take care of my health.
It was the time when the day came to an end. When we looked back to every wish list, revisit my book knowing it was just almost half of things done to be done perhaps the main reason I cannot finish those line because of this pandemic. Reflecting to every spot and people we have not met yet, every places we have planned to go but it goes unwell, at the end we might be rushing to complete these overhanging things, making us asking big question about our directions in this end year, in this almost one last month to be headed.
When we may feel pushing our might and our energy in all good and bad way, trough our physical and mental health, realizing it always comes to a celebration for what we achieve then comes as sorrow putting all the emotions until exhausting haunts us, but somehow those experiences remind me that it does not last forever but always take turns depending on their way on how to play this game. Those feelings are temporary, just like how day always ends, it does not last forever when it comes to feeling, on how the way we feel, how the way world makes us to feel.
During my two hours of yesterday's flight, happiness always comes in its best way. We cannot call and feel the happiness if we do not know sadness. Happiness comes through within ourselves, how we can handle it, how we can pursue the things that make us happy. Happiness has many description, it has many meaning, and every people has their own standard and explanation to be happy. Our happiness may be different with others, but the important thing that actually makes me realize also my dearest friend told me, "Do not compare our state, our standard, our celebration, and the way we feel happy with others. The things that make us happy does not mean it will make the others feel happy too."
I think the realization about the meaning of our happiness is also the part of loving and identifying our own selves.
So, there was that. May happiness always be surround us just like what Allah tells to us, "there is ease after difficulty." He never put us in a condition that we cannot handle, He is the one who only knows what our heart truly feel.
Sweet regards,
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